One of our goals at Rochester Brainery is to be not only a space that provides a fun, affordable and accessible class and event schedule, but also a place that allows you to create your own fun, affordable and accessible events. Whether that's a team-building workshop with your office, a bachelorette party or bridal shower, art show...whatever the event may be!
That's one of the reasons why we were so excited to have Dr. Jennifer Rhodes get in touch with us about a month ago. Dr. Rhodes is a psychologist, originally from Rochester, NY, and currently living in San Francisco, CA. Next week she'll be back in Rochester hosting her own event at Rochester Brainery.
She was wonderful enough to tell us a little bit more about her experiences and what you'll have to look forward to, should you come to her talk next Monday! Check out her guest blog post!
Dr. Jennifer Rhodes, who will be giving a talk at Rochester Brainery on Monday, July 29th.
Elusive Red Flags
By: Dr. Jennifer Rhodes
Over and over again, I hear men and women griping that there is a severe lack of eligible singles. Men complain that women are using them as a meal ticket and women complain that men do not know how to plan an appropriate date. More and more of my friends and clients are tired from online dating and are willingly saying that they would rather remain single. The negative mindset is contagious.
If you haven't read the article "Silicon Valley Dating
," it is an unfortunately common description of dating experiences. All I can say is, no wonder everyone is exhausted! "Dating fatigue is defined as the result of continuing to date, over time, with perceived lack of success in finding a high quality partner."
Do you have any of these symptoms of dating fatigue? Feeling “over” dating? Not bothering to return emails, text messages or calls? Telling friends you would rather be single even though you long for a healthy relationship? Feeling bored on dates? Exhaustion and increased negative thoughts about finding someone? Increased negative talk about persons you are meeting? How do these symptoms affect your long term chances of finding love?
Research discusses the importance of having a positive mindset while attempting to find and maintain a healthy relationship. If one is burnt out and struggling to recover, the chances are that your dating fatigue is attracting emotionally unavailable people.
And guess what? That also means you may be emotionally unavailable to screen out elusive red flags and may end up in a continued cycle of horrible dating experiences and creating the self-fulfilling prophecy that you are meant to be single while all your other friends are married!
Recovering from Dating Fatigue is not about Bolstering your Self-Esteem. It is about cultivating self-compassion. Self compassion is a skill that many researchers are realizing is the true key to leading a healthy and happy life. According to "Self Compassion
," Dr. Kristen Neff:
"Having compassion for oneself is really no different than having compassion for others...Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment? Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings."
We all go through periods in which our dating lives and our relationships are less than stellar. Having compassion for ourself while walking this journey means we are more likely to maintain a positive mindset and less likely to discuss dating in a negative light. So while taking a dating detox is always helpful, unless you also become aware of how your thoughts affect your mood and behaviors, you will burn yourself out again and repeat the cycle.
Dating should be fun, right?